Everyone at some point has had a lack of satisfaction or happiness in a relationship.
“We don’t talk like we use to”
“The intimacy we use to have is gone”
There are variying views on what the blueprint for a healthy relationship should consist of. These thoughts might help, but can difficult times in relationships really be avoided.
I think not! The key to a happy relationship could be accepting that some unhappy times are unavoidable.
Researchers from California State University, North Ridge and Virginia Tech say that “accepting problems is better than striving for perfection.” They blame modern love stories and cultural fairy tales for enabling the myth that the enjoyment of a perfect relationship is possible if we fight for it.
With enough effort, we can achieve a state of complete happiness. This is a myth! This belief can eventually cause people to believe that with enough effort they can eliminate suffering. I call this the gerbil in the wheel syndrome. Many couples are just spinning their wheels in a relationship that isn’t healthy. This is an impractical aim in relationships, and striving to achieve it can lead people to feel they have failed.
So, what should couples do? They can build strengths, such as understanding and communication in their relationship. It’s ok to have disagreements. Assure your mate that just because we don’t agree on something, I still love you, support you. This will help to coupe in the hard times and appreciate the good times.
You’re absolutely correct Ladieslove, Communication is very important in a relationship and hard times will come. Few questions for you (or anyone else that wants to answer):
1) With communication is it the frequency that’s important, the substance, or both?
2) Is too much communication a bad thing?
Let’s say someone has something to say to another, ist it best to wait for the “right” time to say it or just blurt it out? Would doing either harm the relationship?
3) Do two people have to have the same communication style in order for a relationship to work? Or is it developed over time together?
Another thing you are correct about is hard times will come. However, I believe anticipating/always thinking about hard times to come will cause a strain in a relationship. If a person is always worrying about the negatives, than that will minimize the positives in the relationship and that will cause a strain on a relationship. The important thing about hard times in a relationship is to recognize it, deal with it honestly and move on. The Bible says to not keep records of wrongs and this holds true to hard times. It makes no sense to keep bringing it up, if it has already been dealt with (unless you are having a “remember when we got over this….we can get over that” kind of conversation). How you deal with a disagreement/hard time will determine how a relationship is. I have had a lot of “hard times” that broke a relationship, but I have observed a lot of hard times that make a relationship stronger.
Just my two cents……
For those CautiousAboutLove
Communication is one key element to any successful relationship. The frequency and substance of conversation is important. Early on, conversation may be focused more on the other person and what makes them tick. Keep in mind there are many variables that can dictate the substance of the conversation. I do believe a little balance is necessary because too much or too little of either one can cause problems. You shouldn’t feel as if you’re walking on eggshells or “Talking on Eggshell.” This is when you feel as if you can’t say what you really want to a person without fear of hurting them or starting an argument. I’m not sure that the style of communication is as important as the action of just being able to talk feely in a respectful, loving manner. If two people can agree to speak truthfully, while listening to each other with an open mind anything is possible.